Miami Connection
Year: 1987
Genre: Action/Crime
Runtime: 120mins
Rating: Unrated
IMDB Score: 5.5/10 (220 votes)
Director(s): Y.K Kim and Woo-sang PArk
Writer(s): Joseph Diamand (screenplay), Y.K Kim & Woo-sang Park (stroy)
Plot/Synopsis:
A martial arts rock band goes up against a band of motorcycle ninjas who have tightened their grip on Florida’s narcotics trade.
Forethought(s):
80′s martial arts/action cheese with an over the top plot. Sign me up!
Fun Fact/Trivia:
The movie is also know as American Streetfigthers.
Stars of the movie: Y.K Kim,Vincent Hirsch and Joseph Diamand
The Breakdown:
This is hands down one of the greatest bad movies ever to grace film. At the start of the movie I really thought it was Tromas attempt at a none Troma movie with the cheese blood and bad gore. As the film progressed I knew it was just a bad flick,however,it’s one of those so bad it’s good things. There are plenty of logic holes that one could dive through, horrible A.R.D,acting that makes a lot of youtube vids look good and bouts of dialogue that will make you think THE ROOM is Shakespearean.
The worst part about this film isn’t any of the above mentioned issues but rather the lack of narrative progression and multi story-lines that don’t go anywhere. There are about handful of scenes that while are somewhat fun to watch they just should have been cut from the film in order to make it feel more polished. There’s a beach scene that felt out of place (it did have nice looking ladies) that did nothing and I mean NOTHING to progress the story at all. There was a biker scene (it had some of the most unpleasant looking ladies I’ve seen) that did not push the story forward at all and there was something that I’m guessing was sub plot that never really developed, it just felt forced in. There’s more scenes like the ones I just mentioned but I won’t go into those.
The movie opens up with typical looking 80′s drug dealers doing their thing when out of no where ninjas show up and start kicking,punching and slashing the shit out of everyone. Good start to a bad movie! Then the title sequence starts and we’re blessed with a montage of ninjas out of their gis riding some motorcycles whit flashes of the protagonist group who are Tae Kwon Do practitioners doing what Tae Kwon Do practitioners…..ALL WHLIE PLAYING IN THEIR BAND IN A CLUB to a song whose lyrics goes “..escape from Miami,escape with your life.”
Look at them, you can tell they got a lot of tail.
One of the funniest scenes is when some of the protagonists are training and the director or editor chose to use a fair amount of slow-mo. Slow-mo can be used to impart a sense of achievement or a sense of dread when used correctly but in this case it was used in such a way that I felt like I was watching a training vid. It could also be used for a what not to do segment since a lot of the punches and kicks were WAY OFF the mark.
Best line/exchange in the movie:
Tom: [Tom checks out a bunch of chicks at the beach] They don’t make buns like that down at the bakery.
The Verdict:
At this point most of you have said “screw this movie, I’m not wasting my time on it.” and if all you like are blockbuster type of flicks,yeah, don’t waste your time,however,if you like movies that are corny, overacted,picks the wrong times to do slow-mo or some decent action sequences then you should give this movie a chance. It’s one of those flicks that you pop in on a Saturday afternoon with some friends toss back some beer or wine and enjoy the campiness of the film.
I know I highlighted a lot of things that would make it sound like I did not enjoy this movie but it’s quite the contrary. It’s because of all the fuck ups that make the movie enjoyable. It has a charm and innocents to it that you so rarely get. It’s not for everyone but if you’re the type of person who likes the type of stuff that use to get played on Billy Bobbs Drive In Theater then you should give this one a chance.
I give this movie 3 coked up martial artist out of 5.
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Hillibilly-Bob Zombie
Year: 2009
Genre: Horror
Runtime: 72mins
Rating: Unrated
IMDB Score: 4.4/10 (11 votes)
Director(s): Ray Basham
Writer(s): Ray Basham
Plot/Synopsis:
Hillbilly Bob makes a batch of moonshine for a family reunion party. But his shine is contaminated and turns those who drink it into zombies.
Forethought(s):
I’m thinking,corny,crappy,cheap,dirty,wrong and all around fun.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
Sal Lizard is a professional real beard Santa who visits homes, appears in parades and at malls.
Stars of the movie: Sal Lizard, Brenna Roth and Danielle Webster
The Breakdown:
I’m not sure what in the hell I just watched but it sure as shit didn’t resemble much of a movie. The plot was all but missing,the story was as flaccid as I am right now,the acting was all over the place,the sound was good unless the actors were a few feet from the recording device and the visual effects were cheap (I’m talking dollar store props cheap).
With that said it was actually entertaining for the most part. There are times when you wish it would move on. I think the director should have cut about 10 minutes from this film to help with the pacing. There’s this scene that takes place in the fields that’s hosting a party and all that’s going on is bullshitting,dancing and drinking. There’s no mention of zombies or anything. The story doesn’t progress at all and I shit you not it last for around ten solid minutes.
Lets talk about the zombies for a minute. Until about 10 or maybe 15 minutes from the end of the movie you wouldn’t have guessed they were zombies. All they seemed to want to do was drink. There’s a scene where a zombie stumbles into an AM-PM with two live people in it and just shambles past them to get a beer. With the way the movie was unwrapping I actually expected the zombies to need to drink beer to live and that would have felt more at home with this movie than them feeding on flesh as they do near the end of the flick.
Not everything is piss poor in this movie. It has some funny lines,a nice looking actress (yes just one) and the cheap ass effects are charming. The one thing that was impressive was the filming. It was stable and well framed. Things weren’t in or out of shot that shouldn’t have been.
Best line/exchange in the movie:
Off Screen female voice: Use your fingers to count;that’s why Jesus gave them to you.
Hillbilly Bob:I thought they were meant for something else but that’s a different story.
The Verdict:
The movie is riddled with continuity errors,visual goofs, low audio and a plethora of other first time film maker mistakes. This movie only for the very select few who enjoy low to no budget movies.
I give this movie 2 backwoods folk out of 5.
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Now before anyone bitches and moans,yes,I know that not all these films are Troma in house but they were bought by Troma so they are Troma.
Mother’s Day (1980)
Plot: Three long time friends decide to go on vacation to celebrate their tenth class reunion but their days of happiness end when a vicious psychopath who goads her boys into acts of rape and murder set their sights on the vacationers.
Why it’s a must see: It’s dark;it’s what a horror movie should be. There are scenes that will make you feel dirty. It has some interesting kills. A good amount of titties and a creepy old lady who orders he sons to kill and rape. Really messed up.
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)
Plot: When the American Chicken Bunker, a military-themed fried-chicken chain, builds a restaurant on the site of an ancient Indian burial ground, local protesters aren’t the only ones crying fowl! The previous tenants, fueled by a supernatural force, take “possession” of the food and those who eat it.
Why it’s a must see: It’s very much like a zombie movie if the zombies where six foot tall human supernatural chicken hybrids. It’s not scary in the least but there is a good amount of blood and gore. If you ever wondered what kind of deaths could happen in a fast food joint wonder no more since they show them here. Also boobies.
Terror Firmer (1999)
Plot: A homicidal maniac is on the loose in the city and the low budget film crew on a Troma movie have the power to stop them.
Why it’s a must see: The camp that Troma is known for flows freely in this movie. I’ll let the trailer speak for the movie. I will say that there are breast shots along with man ass and penis.
Killer Condom (1996)
Plot:New York and in the present at a Hotel called “Quicky”, a professor blackmails a student of his into having sex with him but when the professor puts on a condom, the carnivorous condom bites off his penis and disappears.
Why it’s a must see: This is a German horror/comedy/romance movie,so,you know it’s all types of messed up in that weird way that just works for original flicks. You will be laughing your ass off at the effects and design of the condom but will worry the next time you glove up!
Beware! Children at Play (1989)
Plot: The inhabitants of a small rural town whose children are disappearing at an alarming rate and whose adults are simultaneously being killed in a ritualistic fashion.
Why it’s a must see: For the fact that this is one of Troma’s most controversial titles due to the over the top finale that people call gruesome,horrendous,monstrous and just plain sick. I won’t give away the ending but even if you don’t want to see this movie I really do recommend that you try and find a clip of the end online.
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Wrong Turn 5:Bloodlines
Year: 2012
Genre: Horror
Runtime: 90mins
Rating: Unrated
IMDB Score: 4.1/10 (1,400+ votes)
Director(s): Declan O’Brien
Writer(s): Declan O’Brien
Plot/Synopsis:
A small mining town hosts the legendary Mountain Man Festival on Halloween, where crowds of costumed party-goers gather for a wild night of music and mischief. But a killer celebration soon gives way to a blood-soaked feeding frenzy when an inbred family of hillbilly cannibals trick and treat themselves to a group of visiting college students who are just dying for a good time
Forethought(s):
I’m expecting a fair amount of blood,guts and boobs. Not really expecting a great story or excellent acting.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
Doug Bradley is both near and far sighted.
Stars of the movie: Doug Bradley, Camilla Arfwedson and Simon Ginty
Sawtooth
The Breakdown:
TTFK (Time To First Kill)= Close to six minutes.
TTT (Time To Titty)= 57 seconds.
Does the fifth part in the series bring anything new to the game? Why yes it does. New and neater killers than the last one and it has Doug Bradley as the the hillbillies father. After that it’s pretty much the same.
What are some of these neat deaths you speak of Buck? Well my Buckaroos,the kills range from simple stabbings to cooking a man alive via a makeshift steam-horse. Stabbings are neat to you Buck? They are when the Hillbillies feed you your insides. I really hope the person they fed the insides to like liver! If those aren’t neat enough about a trap that when someone opens a door an old small farming scythe rips you open from your belly button to your chest? One kill was so over the top that it looked like a persons heart was tossed out of them from their legs. Trust me you got to see that kill to believe it. The blood and there is fair amounts of it seemed to be tossed by hand using cups. It just has that feel to it and it works very well.
The dialogue in this movie was very fun and that’s due to the fact that a lot Doug Bradely’s lines are very reminiscent of those from the Hellrasier series. He even calls the Hillbillies pinheads. Other than that it’s your basic horror fare. A bunch of “Why are you doing this?” and “You’re all dead.”
The acting for the most part was god awful,hell,even Bradley slipped a few times. I was really wishing that certain characters would die first because of how bad of a job the actors were doing.
Best line/exchange in the movie:
Half of whatever Doug Bradley said.
The Verdict:
A nice blood bath but with characters you just don’t care much for makes the movie at times is hard to watch but when the kills happen you’re happy you stuck it out.
I give this movie 3.5 gallons of blood out of 5.
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The Strangers
Year: 2008
Genre: Horror/Thriller
Runtime: 86mins
Rating: Unrated
IMDB Score: 6.1/10 (57,000+ Votes)
Director(s): Bryan Bertino
Writer(s): Bryan Bertino
Plot/Synopsis:
A young couple staying in an isolated vacation home are terrorized by three unknown assailants.
Forethought(s):
I’ve been told that this is a genuinely scary movie and from the trailer it does seem creepy so my hopes are high for this flick.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
Liv Tyler suffered from tonsillitis during the filming of this movie.
Stars of the movie: Scott Speedman, Liv Tyler and Gemma Ward
The Breakdown:
The story of this movie is simple. Two people are stalked and kill because they were home. That’s it. I’m even simplifying it. It’s stated in the movie that’s why the killers are doing what they’re doing.
I have to say the first 20-25 minutes are in fact edge of the seat worthy. The way they build up suspense with audio subtle cues and never knowing who or when something is going to happen. Sadly, all that is lost once the 30 minute mark rolls around. At that point they reveal who the strangers are;giving face to what was once a faceless scare takes all the scare out of things.
One other thing I really liked about the film was that we never actually saw the faces of the killers. Sure we kinda saw the face of Dollface early on in the film but it was covered by shadows so unless you turn up the contrast you aren’t going to know what she looks like. Even near the of the movie when the killers remove their masks we never see their faces. I’m not sure why they did this but it worked.
Best line/exchange in the movie:
Kristen: Why are you doing this?
Dollface: Because you were home.
The Verdict:
The movie moves along a the right pace and the first 1/3rd-ish of the movie is some of the best arm gripping movie making I’ve seen in a while. Other than that it’s just O.K but I do feel that the first 20-25 minutes of the movie makes it worth watching.
I give this movie 3.5 packs out of 5.
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The Cabin In The Woods
Year: 2011
Genre: Horror/Mystery/Thriller
Runtime: 95mins
Rating: R
IMDB Score: 7.3/10 (91,000+ Votes)
Director(s): Drew Goddard
Writer(s): Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard
Plot/Synopsis:
Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin in the woods, where they get more than they bargained for. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods.
Forethought(s):
I like the way Whedon writes and he did do Buffy and Angel so I’m guessing there’s going be that vibe to the movie and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
The studio wanted to convert the movie to 3D but Whedon and Goddard both had objections so the plans were eventually canned.
Stars of the movie: Kristen Connolly,Chris Hemsworth,Anna Hutchison.Fran Kranz and Jesse Williams
The Breakdown:
TTT(Time to fist titty)=41mins and 2x seconds.
TTK(Time to first kill)=13mins in and it was a hawk by an invisible fence but the first first kill comes at 43minutes-ish. The kill sequence comes in just after the toplessness.
Do I start by comparing this movie to Battle Royal,Scooby-Doo or Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV show. You know what? It’s actually all those rolled into one. It’s B.R in the sense that it’s a type of game and by killing people the world is saved(I know it’s not just like BR). It’s like Scooby with the group they have. There’s a Velma,Daphne,Shaggy,Fred and a male Velma. It’s like Buffy due to the writing. In fact I really think this (the movie) is a left over idea from the show that Whedon couldn’t do since it was so adult. 
There’s a few things I did not like about this movie but they weren’t massive issues. One was just how long it takes to become a horror movie. I would say it took about 37 minutes to become horror-ish. The first 36 were definitely a normal drama type of movie but then the eerieness sets in and then some tits and a kill. Can’t get much more horror than that. After all that the movie is total horror but not all slash,stab behead type of way…..but there is a beheading. My second issue was the lighting. Some of the scenes were just way to dark. I understand that lack of light can enhance the mood but so can using light. I tend to get creeped out more with things that can be seen than those that can not. Finally is the teasing of all types of monsters. The main bad in this movie is a family of zombies,however,late in the film we find out that there are TONS of other monsters that could have been used but won’t and the way we find this out is that they’re put on showcase and then used to kill people near the end of the movie. Some of the monsters that are used but not long enough are:Mermen,huge Man-Bat like thing,a Pinhead-esq creature who I deemed BladeHead,a killer clown and the list goes on and on.
One type of monster
There’s a lot I liked about this film. One of them is oddly enough one of the things I didn’t like about the film,the lack of monster use. Sure I didn’t like the amount of time that the other monsters were given but I did love the range of monsters they showed off. I also really enjoyed the acting/casting. They got the right looking actors for the roles they have. The writing was another thing I really liked,it really was like watching Buff the Vampire Slayer TV show all over again,just without all the pop culture references.
Best line/exchange in the movie:
Marty:Ok, I’m drawing a line in the fucking sand. Do NOT read the Latin!
The Verdict:
This movie hits the g-spot for so many types of fans it’s crazy. I think if you can find this fun,original-ish modern throw back of a horror flick then by all means pick it up. This is a must own for horror heads without a doubt.
I give this movie 4 as ifs out of 5.
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Devil’s Playground
Year: 2010
Genre: Action/Horror
Runtime: 93mins
Rating: R
IMDB Score: 5.1/10 (2500+ Votes)
Director(s): Mark McQueen
Writer(s): Bart Ruspoli
Plot/Synopsis:
As the world succumbs to a zombie apocalypse, Cole a hardened mercenary, is chasing the one person who can provide a cure.
Forethought(s):
A U.K zombie flick,O.K,this should be somewhat interesting.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
MyAnna Buring was born in Sweden but grew up in the Middle East.
Stars of the movie: MyAnna Buring,Graig Fairbras,Danny Dyer,Lisa McAllister and Jaime Murray
The Breakdown:
This is a zombie movie. I know a lot of you will be bitching and moaning that this is not but that’s only because you don’t know the definition of zombie. There’s a good amount of definitions but the one that really matters is this one: A person who is or appears to be lifeless,apathetic or totally lacking in independent judgment. I’ll give you all that this is not a tried and true zombie flick but it is a Virus Zombie flick. A VZ is a sub-genre in the zombie field where the zombies are made from a virus/cure for something else.
The movie starts off by showing us the test subjects of an experimental drug that makes your balls less hairy or something. As they show the patients they stop on one chick and wouldn’t you know that she plays some kind of major role for stopping the outbreak. As some time passes we find out that the drug has a side effect of turning you into a frailing zombie! 99.99% of people who tested the drug are now zombies with only on thing on their dead minds,FOOD! Who could that .01% who didn’t zombifi be? Yeap,you guessed it,the chick patient who was given the most screen-time during the experimental drug sequence.
After the brains of the experiment figure out that some shit is going down and that only one person is clean,they send their head of security to capture this lady and bring her back so they can find a way to fix the deadness that’s spreading at an alarming rate. Oh and the this security dude is infected with the virus but has six injections that will stop the spread of the virus for about 18 hours. I actually really liked the fact that he was infected and could turn but you knew that he wouldn’t since he had six injections that would last almost a full day. Wish the injections were gone so it gave a sense of danger to the group that he soon joins up with.
So the group that not only the security guy is with but the “cure” as well is composed of your typical zombie fare people:two outsiders who are only thinking of themselves,the cure with her boyfriend and best friend along with her best friend. While this movie didn’t really make you like or dislike anyone in the group it was a nice change of pace to see pretty much everyone knew the other person some how.
It's so vainy.
Normal zombie movie stuff happens,like: running from zombies,getting stabbed in the back by the two that are looking out only for themselves,your loved one(s) making the ultimate sacrifice,a 180 by the hired gun and finally the escape.
What really makes this movie different from the 1000′s of other zombie flicks is that the zombies are more Ragers and less Romeros a.k.a Walkers but take it to the next level by making them free-runners. These are some of the most athletic zombies I’ve ever seen. They’re doing flips,jumping over cars,diving through windows all the while getting shot and beaten with blunt objects. I should mention that the backdrop is London and it’s always nice to see a city that isn’t what you’re use to seeing being used for the setting.
Best line/exchange in the movie:
None.
The Verdict:
The movie is fairly well made but the audio is off and I had to turn my volume way up so do not watch this at night if you live with people or in an apartment building. As for a zombie movie it’s not bad. It has some refreshing takes on things but doesn’t add anything new. If you’re a zombie fan and are looking for something slightly different,I say give this one a try.
I give this movie 3 dead heads out of 5.
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Playback
Year: 2012
Genre: Horror/Thriller
Runtime: 98mins
Rating: R
IMDB Score: 4.0/10 (1,200+ Votes)
Director(s): Michael A. Nickles
Writer(s): Michael A. Nickles
Plot/Synopsis:
Julian enlists his friends to film a reenactment of the town’s gruesome Harlan Diehl family murders for a school project. He asks social outcast Quinn, an employee at the local news station to assist with video equipment and research. During Quinn’s examination of raw video footage of the Diehl family farm, an evil spirit is unleashed with a menacing agenda.
Forethought(s):
This sounds like and looks like,based off of the cover art,that this movie is going to be like The Ring and if that’s the case it could be very interesting. My guess is that it won’t be but I can still hope.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
This movie references 13 other movies in some manner.
Stars of the movie: Christian Slater,Ambyr Childers and Toby Hemingway
The Breakdown:
Time to First Kill=Around 4:45 a double kill.
Time to First Titty=1:35-ish it’s fast and bloody but very much alive. Around 13mins we get some locker room boobs! This should be the real first time we see ta-tas but it’s not.
This is a Hollywood low budget film that went right to DVD but really should have been shown in theaters. It has that pro look and feel to it while the writing seems to be done by people who were trying to give it that indie/low budget feel to it. Oddly enough it works. It’s by no means a master piece but it’s not a horrible flick.
The kills were gory,things you don’t typically see in mainstream horror like:a mic stand being rammed through a dudes eye and out the back of his skull. Ok you know what that’s really the only one that we don’t see much of. The rest of the kills were your normal slashing of the neck with a broken disc and head shots. Not many kills in this movie now that I think about it.
Christian Slater plays a cop who has a thing for the high school aged ladies and has someone record them in a locker room or any other place they get naked. Yeap,he’s a cop who’s a pedophile. Funny thing is all the high school aged ladies in this film are 20-30. Also another funny thing is that Slater is not in this movie much. Maybe five minutes at most.
Best line/exchange in the movie:
DeeDee: I hear you like to watch me,now it’s my turn to watch you.
The Verdict:
Pro feel with indie spirit is a combo we don’t get much and there’s reasons for it but this one seems to sweep those reasons away. This is the type of horror movie you have someone watch who has never seen a horror movie. It’s not super gory,there aren’t a lot of naked shots and it’s not hard to watch.
I give this flick 3 rings out of 5.
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The Dead Matter
Year: 2010
Genre: Horror
Runtime: 90mins
Rating:R
IMDB Score: 4.0/10 (423 Votes)
Director(s): Edward Douglas
Writer(s): Edward Douglas and Tony Demci
Plot/Synopsis:
Tells the story of a vampire relic with occult powers that falls into the hands of a grief-stricken young woman who will do anything to contact her dead brother.
Forethought(s):
At the very least if Tom Savini had a hand in the make-up it should at least be pretty interesting to look at. The story itself doesn’t really scream greatness.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
I got this movie for free from one of my local comic stores due to it missing the two music discs but I returned it since it was missed the two music disc.
Stars of the movie: Sean Serion,Tom Nagel and C.B Spencer
The Breakdown:
For starters the movie has three cool people in it:Andrew Divoff (the dude who played the Djinn in Wishmaster 1 and 2),Jason Carter (Marcus from B5) and Tom Savini (make-up master) sadly they weren’t the stars of the movie and if they were it would have been a totally different movie.
My biggest issue with the film and it’s really not all that big nor is it what many people would expect;it is that the movie just doesn’t know what it is. Even after giving it a day I still don’t know if I would call it a vampire movie, a zombie movie,a horror movie or a comedy movie. It’s actually quite balanced but I just can’t put my finger on what type of flick it is. I can’t call it a vampire movie because they play such a small role in the film. I can’t call it a zombie movie because it doesn’t fit the archetype of one. I can’t call it a true horror flick since there isn’t enough horror elements in it and I sure as hell can’t call it a comedy because all the humor I feel was unintentional. If you’ve seen the flick let me know what kind of movie you think it is.
I hoped that Tom Savini had a hand in the make-up of this movie but he didn’t ;I didn’t see his name in the credits of the film or on IMDB under make-up (sad face). This dude knows how to do zombies and gore and well, pretty much any damn type of make-up effect you can think of. The make up for the movie wasn’t bad. It was a bit corny at times but for the budget it had (around 2,000,000$) it wasn’t bad at all. Actually quite impressive in some areas. Wish they spent some more cash in this department but over was decent enough to the point where you aren’t going to be laughing…..with the exception of the lead vampires wig. It’s just too funny.
This movie breaks the age old horror movie cliche of having the black person die first. In fact, the lead of the movie (Sean Serion) is a black chick and doesn’t die at all. I’m sure some of you are saying that’s “Racist to bring up.” To those I say “FUCK YOU!” It’s a true horror movie cliche and if you don’t think so then it’s clear you’ve not seen many horror movies.
Yeap,that's a zombie and he's eating ice-cream
The best thing about this movie is that it feels like a Full Moon Pictures flick from the 1990′s. If the had more monsters in it,more gore and characters that had some personality I would say that this flick is a Subspecies rip-off. It’s not but it’s got that 90′s Full Moon feel to it.
Best line/exchange in the movie:
Jill:A zombie?
Frank:Actually,I think they prefer the term post mortem Americans.
The Verdict:
Bland characters,somewhat of an interesting story,no nakedness at all,three really cool actors and a soundtrack that’s not bad. When you add all that up it equals a movie that is worth a watch if you’re a horror fan but don’t go excepting anything wonderful from it,
I give this movie 3 stakes to the big heart out of 5.
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Friday the 13th
Year: 2009
Genre: Horror
Runtime: 105mins
Rating: Unrated
IMDB Score: 5.5/10 (38,700+ Votes)
Director(s): Marcus Nispel
Writer(s): Damian Shannon (screenplay and story),Mark Swift (screenplay and story),Mark Wheaton (story) and Victor Miller (characters)
Plot/Synopsis:
A group of young adults discover a boarded up Camp Crystal Lake, where they soon encounter Jason Voorhees and his deadly intentions.
Forethought(s):
A remake * sigh * I dislike them on principle alone but people have told me how much different this is so I’ll give it a chance.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
Principal photography wrapped on Friday, June 13, 2008. Additionally, the American theatrical release date was Friday, February 13, 2009.
Stars of the movie: Jared Padalecki,Amanda Righetti,Danielle Panabaker and Derek Mears
The Breakdown:
TTFK: Time To First Kill was just over 10 mintues
TTT: Time To Titty was about 10 minutes.
Now before I actually get into the movie itself there was one thing that was very weird about the movie and that’s it took 22 minutes get to the title card.
Soooo,if you’ve read any of my past reviews on remakes then you know that I dislike/hate them on principle but I have to say that this one was much different than the first Friday the 13th from the 80′s and that it wasn’t half bad.
Here are the things that are different:
1) The killer is Jason and not his mom.
2) Not much of the movie takes place at Camp Crystal Lake
3) Jason can run
4) The fodder (the young adults).
Now those four differences may not sound like much but trust me it gives the movie a whole new feel.
Things that are the same:
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Tits. One damn fine pair. One not bad pair and one really bad boob job.
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Some of the shots are just like in the first movie and I actually thought that was a nice nod.
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Gore. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the 80′s flick but if I recall right, there’s about the same amount of gore and that’s a real plus since I feel more modern horror movies lack in that area.
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Jason’s theme. They don’t over use it and when they do it’s subtle and doesn’t overpower the scene.
If you like tits and horror this would is a good flick for you. The actress who plays Bree get’s topless and while she’s wearing a shit you’ll say she seems kind of flat but when she lets those things out you’re going to say GOD DAMN! They’re big,fat,natural tits and look right on her and are fun to stare at.
My biggest issue I have with this movie is that it shot it’s load within the first 22 minutes. In those 22 minutes Jason kills a group of five other people and while it was fun to watch it just felt like the climax of the movie. Even the real climax didn’t feel as good as what was shown in the first 22.
The Verdict:
This was a decently done remake and I think this should be the archetype for remakes in the sense that they change just enough to make it feel like a new movie. It’s not scary at all unless you’re younger the age of 21. It’s worth a rent.
I give this movie 3 pairs of bloody boobs out of 5.
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