Blood Oath
Year: 2007
Genre: Horror
Runtime:82mins
Rating: R
IMDB Score: 2.6/10 (40+ Votes)
Director(s): David Buchert
Writer(s): David Meier Smith
Plot/Synopsis:
A group of friends on a weekend camping trip decide to investigate a local urban legend. The trip will change their lives as they are forced into a fight for survival against a horrific monster.
Forethought(s):
This looks like a total camptasic horror flick and I’m kinda in the mood for that.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
This is one of the many movies in the Troma library that was not made by Troma. It is an acquisition flick.
The Breakdown:
This movie was not as bad as I was expecting it to. Don’t get me wrong is was still mediocre but it wasn’t BAD.
The movie starts off fairly well with a couple (Tiffany Shepis and some dude) driving through a forest to get to a camp site but they stop to get down and for those that don’t know what get down means, it means to FUCK. She ( Tiffany) doesn’t show any tits which made me sad since I like seeing her nude. While they’re getting nasty the killer walks around the car unbeknownst to the fornicating couple. The guy gets a phone call and heads outside of the car and them SLICE, his head comes flying off. The effect was CG and very poorly done but luckily they only had one CG effect in the movie that I noticed. Tiffany tries to get away but can not escape. After killing Tiffany the villain pilfers her pockets for make-up. All this happens in the first five minutes of the movie. The next set of killings wont come for about 25mins.
So what fills up the time from kills you ask? Simple, a lot of nothing. We get a local tale of how the killer came to be,told by a group of four campers sitting around a fire and drinking some brews. Some time passes and they’re on the way to look for the cabin of the killer and this last for about 20mins and it’s just a bunch of talking and walking in the woods. Luckily we get a kill scene during all this walking and talking shit. It wasn’t very graphic but the chick who gets killed is wearing a bra that you can see her nips through so that’s something at least. Then it’s back to more walking and talking but soon after,the gang finds themselves at the spooky looking cabin (You know what? It looked more like an old farm house) then it cuts to some other campers, all chicks,two of which get topless and the killer strikes again. Then we go back to the cabin where we get more back story on the killer and a show down with her and the group. Doesn’t sound to exciting does it? Well it’s not.
This is a horror movie so the kills look good right? NOPE! They’re all corny looking and we don’t really get to see the deaths themselves,just the aftermath. They were all bloody so that is a plus and one was comical. The comical one is where the murderer punches the victim right through the face. It did have one thing that was pretty graphic and that was big ass dick the killer has even though it’s a chick and guess what it puts a lot of porn stars to shame.
The directing for everything other than the kill shots was pretty good and the acting was better than a lot of movies of this budget. The sound really stood out in a good way and that is very unheard of when it comes to low budget indie horror flicks. None of the audio sounded tinny nor was it to soft or super loud. Nothing over powered anything.
I would have liked this movie better if they cut out a lot of the crap like just walking and looking around even if that meant the movie would be 5-7minutes shorter. If they did that then the kills would come sooner and we the viewers wouldn’t be so bored.
The Verdict:
Some tits,fair amount of blood and great sound. To bad the rest of the movie is just meh,but I guess for an indie horror movie that’s a pretty good thing. The movie is only worth a very cheap watch if you LOVE horror movies.
I give this movie 2 dangling dongs out of 5.
Follow me on:
Twitter: http://twitter.com/Justin_TheBuck
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/pages/Buck-On-Stuff/192335110835524
Saint John of Las Vegas
Year: 2009
Genre: Comedy/Drama
Runtime: 85min
Rating: R
IMDB Score: 6.1/10 (475+ Votes)
Director(s): Hue Rhodes
Writer(s): Dante Alighieri (based on a story) & Hue Rhodes (screenplay)
Plot/Synopsis: An ex-gambler is lured back into the game by a veteran insurance-fraud investigator.
Forethought(s): Never heard of this movie but it stars Steve Buscemi who is one hell of a fucking actor and Romany Malco who I have only seen in comedies and know he can deal out the funny.
Fun Fact/Trivia: Romany Malco was in a music group called College Boyz and they put out two albums.
Audio: Pass Minus. This movie suffers from Too Much/Too Little Syndrome. By that I mean the dialogue is too low so you up the volume and then when the music starts playing it blows you out of your chair.
Acting: Pass. Steve Buscemi like always gives a real good performance, while Romany Malco really shows a side to his acting that if you’re like me have not seen before since all you know him from are comedy movies. Sarah Silverman is in this movie and she plays a overly happy person and I’m sure use to her from her shitty TV show and he stand-up that I just have a hard time seeing her in that type of role. The movie had some other known actors in it but the roles themselves were not all that memorable.
Mr.Pink?
Visual: Pass. With the exception of Emmanuelle Chriqui playing a stripper who does not strip and Aviva who dresses at one point a trashy Vegas chick this movie was very normal as far as visuals go. One thing that I would have liked to have seen in the movie was more over head shots of Vegas itself.
Writing: Pass. The movie is definitely more of a drama than a comedy. It takes a serious subject (well to those that care about fraud) and makes lite of the subject thru some odd scenarios but it’s all wrapped up pretty nicely. You will laugh from this movie but you will not be rolling due to the humor. Emmanuelle Chriqui has a line that goes “I use to be a prime slot.” What I think she meant was that she HAS a prime slot! Lord knows I would fuck her with my big toe if she wanted me to.
Two Cool Dudes.
Afterthought(s): The movie Passes but do not expect an out of this world movie. It is worth a rent if you want a decent drama movie that has bits of humor in it.
Book of Blood
Year: 2009
Genre: Drama/Fantasy/Horror/Mystery/Thriller
Runtime: 100min
Rating: R
IMDB Score: 5.3/10 (1,540 votes)
Director(s): John Harrison
Writer(s): John Harrison, Darin Silverman & Clive Barker (short stories)
Plot/Synopsis: A paranormal expert discovers a house that is at the intersection of so-called “highways” transporting souls in the afterlife
Forethought(s): A horror flick based off of Clive Barker short stories could go either way. What I’m guessing this will have is a lot of blood and not so much guts. The plot sounds neat so I’m gonna give it a shot.
Audio: Pass Minus/Pass. The movie takes place over in the U.K and uses all U.K folks so we have to deal with accents and they can throw U.S people for a loop if we are not listening close enough especially during whisper type of dialogues. The soundtrack was your typical horror fare, you know the creepy music to build up the suspense. Once or twice they used the BIG NOSIE to scare us and I hate when horror movies do that because it just feels cheap and lazy.
She has nips that will poke out your eyes.
Acting: Pass Minus. The minus part has to do with the accents. It’s hard at times to tell if they are over acting or under acting due to the accents. The facial expressions showed what they couldn’t get across verbally so it was by no means a fail.
Visual: Pass Plus. This is not an over gory movie at all but that is not to say there isn’t gore because there is just not in large quantities and when they do show gore it has a greater affect on us due to the lack of it. The gore we do see is classic Barker, you know things like flesh being torn off or flesh being written on. There is more but I want you to see it first hand.
There were some really good non-gore horror visuals like creepy young kids in the the now overly used ghost look. Also use of just old locations that we in the states don’t get to see so much of.
Is she going to wear that like Buffalo Bill?
Writing: Pass. The story was very well crafted and not your typical horror movie idea. Not once did I think the writing was played out or stale. It shows that this kind of writing still has a place in the world of horror movies. More people should take note of this and stop with all the fucking uninspired remakes.
Afterthought(s): Creepy setting and creepy kids along with the right amount of gore and some nakedness tossed in this equals a win in my book. This movie is not for the mainstream horror fan and by that I mean those that think that Scream or Final Destination are good examples of what horror movies are. If I ever meet someone like that and they are around my age I will punch them in the dick if they are a dude or kick them in the cunt if they are a chick. The movie Passes by the way.
