Jack and Jill
Year: 2011
Genre: Comedy
Runtime: 90mins
Rating: PG
IMDB Score: 3.4/10 (17,000+ Votes)
Director(s): Dennis Dugan
Writer(s): Adam Sandler,Steve Koren and Ben Zook
Plot/Synopsis:
Family guy Jack Sadelstein prepares for the annual event he dreads: the Thanksgiving visit of his twin sister, the needy and passive-aggressive Jill, who then refuses to leave.
Forethought(s):
This is going to be bad. I also hope that it’s as bad as the Razzies make it out to be.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
First film to win all ten of the categories at the Razzies this year. That’s a first in the Razzies 32 year history. Battle Field Earth didn’t even win that many.
Stars of the movie: Adam Sandler,Katie Holmes and Al Pacino
The Breakdown:
Let’s get it out of the way right now, YES!,the movie does in fact deserve all 10 Razzies. Al Pacino should be embarrassed by his role in the flick. Katie Holmes looks very good for a change;I would not mind it if she faked and orgasm with me.
The whole movie couldn’t have been bad could it? Yes. Yes it could and it was. I laugh more during Presidential debates then I did with this movie. I’m not joking, I laughed less than five times and chuckled maybe five times. I didn’t even laugh at fart sounds and that makes me laugh most of the time. I’m hard pressed to find some funny dialogue to post in this review.
What’s really sad is that there are some good comedic actors in this movie. Sure ,some of them are just small bit roles but you would think with the likes of Adamn Sandler,David Spade,Nick Swardson,Time Meadows,Norm MacDonald and Dana Carvey we would have a higher laugh count then a toddler can count but we don’t! A friend of mine watched it a few days back and said it was funny, said it was just a dumb humor movie and the jokes are predicable. I asked him if he was high and he said yes.
You think I’m kidding at how bad this movie is? Watch this scene with Academy Award winner Al Pacino and tell me if I’m joking.
As far as production goes it was done OK. The directing wasn’t total shit,the audio engineering was fine but it did lack songs in places where they normally would go, and sets looked very nice but sadly that doesn’t make this movie even remotely entertaining.
The Verdict:
So we have a very doable Katie Holmes,no funny,a proformance by a pro that should not be seen by anyone and 90mins that you will never get back.
I give this movie 2 why did they make this shit? Out of 5
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Thor:Tales of Asgard
Year: 2011
Genre: Animation/Action/Adventure
Runtime: 77mins
Rating: PG
IMDB Score: 6.4/10 (700+ Votes)
Director(s): Sam Liu
Writer(s): Greg Johnson (screenplay and story),Graig Kyle (story), Jack Kirby (characters) and Stan Lee (characters)
Plot/Synopsis:
The young Norse god Thor embarks on a quest with his brother Loki to find and recover a legendary sword.
Forethought(s):
This is a Marvel animation movie and for the most part they’re hit or miss with me. It funny how Marvel makes sub par animation flicks but pretty damn good live action ones while DC makes damn good animation movies and mediocre live action movies. I wonder if this one can stop that trend.
Fun Fact/Trivia:
There is a six issue mini from 2009 by the same title but it’s about Thor and his first quests as the hero we know him as today not a young boy.
The Breakdown:
Well this one did not move Marvel a head of DC in the animated movie field but it wasn’t a bad movie. It was OK. Some good things, some bad things and a lot of Eh things about this movie. The good things were the score and the action. The bad things were the motion blur and some of the voice work. The eh things, pretty much the rest of the movie.
So I said the score and the action were good. The reason the score is good is that it gets your blood pumping and really sets the mood, at least for the battle scenes. The action was quite good and that shocks me since this is a PG flick. They have 3 or 4 total fight scenes and not with just one or two characters going it at but small armies at times. I said that one of the bad things was the motion blur and for a cartoon to have that is just unacceptable. Fear not it doesn’t happen throughout the movie but it does happen in a weird area of the movie….the talking parts. Yeah just the talking parts and not every-time someone talks which makes all the more strange since it doesn’t happen at all during the fight scenes. The voice work in this was not the best by any means. Matthew Wolf plays Thor once again. He played Thor in Hulk Vs. from 2009. And guess what he voiced them in the same way. That wouldn’t be an issue if both Thors were the same age but they weren’t. One was a kid (this movie) and one was the full on hero. I didn’t like him then as Thor and I don’t like him now. Is voice just isn’t made for this kind of work if you ask me. The rest of the film was just eh. Meaning that it wasn’t bad and it wasn’t good. It just was.
The character designs were hit or miss for me. Thor looked more like Thunderstrike than Thor and that really bugged me. Sif,Loki and Enchantress all looked like I would imagine them to be when they were kids. Odin was the best looking character in the film. He looked powerful and with some of the cam work they did there were times when I said “damn he looks like he could whoop anyone’s ass.” The best way to describe the designs is by calling them kid friendly. If you have seen the new Iron Man cartoon/anime on G4 it’s the complete opposite looking of that.
The Verdict:
The movie has hit or miss art, the voice work isn’t great, it has a fair amount of battles and it moves long well enough that you won’t be pulling your hair out. This movie is more suited for kids than adults but if you’re a comic book fan and just enjoy all things comic related give this movie a try,however,get it on the cheap it’s not worth more than five bucks if you ask me.
I give this movie 3 Mjollnirs out of 5.
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Tron: Legacy
Year: 2010
Genre:Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi
Runtime: 125mins
Rating: PG
IMDB Score: 7.1/10 (57,000+ Votes)
Director(s): Joseph Kosinski
Writer(s): Edward Kitsis (screenplay and story),Adam Horowitz (screenplay and story), Brian Klugman (story), Lee Sternthal (story), Steven Lisberger (characters) & Bonnie MacBird (characters)
Plot/Synopsis: The son of a virtual world designer goes looking for his father and ends up inside the digital world that his father designed. He meets his father’s creation turned bad and a unique ally who was born inside the digital domain of The Grid.
Forethought(s): This is a squeal to a corny 1980′s film so how good can it be? And it has 6 freaking writers credited. That’s never a good sign if you ask me.
Fun Fact/Trivia: Shooting the film lasted only 64 days. Post-production, due to the heavy special effects, required 68 weeks.
The Breakdown:
Before I start with my review I have two questions I would like answered. The first one is what in the hell were the programs drinking;they’re programs why do they drink and how does it benefit them? And how was Quorra outside near the bike when Sam was not? The second one can be explained in a number of logical ways but the first one not so much.
I actually found most of this movie boring. Now before you all jump down my throat you should know that this movie is one of the best made movies I’ve seen in a very long time. That said it was still pretty boring. I didn’t care about any of the characters other than father Flynn. They didn’t have much development or personalty expect Clu and Zuse (who [Zuse] wasn’t in the movie long enough). I also think the who emo feel brought the movie down. Oh boo-who I’m a 27 year old without a father and I could run a multi billion dollar business so I’m just gonna mope around all my life. I expect shit like that from CW shows but not a Disney movie.
I would interface with her in a jiffy.
The whole movie wasn’t boring. The fight scenes were fun to watch all be it a bit short for my taste. And to answer the questions I’m sure many of you are asking…no I did not like the light bike or the light jet fight. They just sorta felt like after thoughts even though I’m sure the light bike scene was one of the first ones to be discussed. It wasn’t fun to watch but it was neat to see due to the effects. I did enjoy the light disk game. Again it was to short. What was done really well was the pacing of the drama to the action. Time wise it didn’t drag from drama parts of the movie to the action filled parts of the movie. But the drama parts did seem to drag on because of all the back story telling and the fact that I just didn’t care for the characters.
There were two things I was VERY impressed with and those were the music and the visual effects.
The score for the movie was done by a little known electronic duo called Daft Punk. These guys are skillful. For the movie they mixed electronic beats with a huge orchestra (80 or pieces) so flawlessly. There wasn’t one piece of music in the whole film that did not fit the scene it was placed with and that I did not like. If I was really into music like I once was I would buy the deluxe edition of this soundtrack in a flash. I honestly think that even if you aren’t into electronic or orchestra music you would still really like the soundtrack.
I loved all the effects in this movie but one. The one I don’t love I can’t stand looking at. Any guesses? If you said Quorra you are out of your fucking mind. She’s a bit skinny for me but I find myself wanting to jack into all of her ports! If you guessed Clu then you’re right. Deaging Jeff Bridges was bold attempt that back fired in my view. It looked like Corky from Life Goes On mated with one of the characters from The Polar Express. What they should have done was fragment Clu or degrade him in some manner since he is a program it would have made sense. Other than that all the effects were amazing. The colors were easy on the eyes and the C.G work was not corny at all (expect for Clu).
The Verdict:
As far an entertainment is concerned it just wasn’t there as I hoped it would be but the film is worth a rent for the all the effects and effort put into every aspect of the movie alone. If you tend to agree with me on my reviews trust this one. Again this is one of the best made movies I have seen in a while.
I give this movie 5 light fights out of 5.
Bonus Fun Fact:The wardrobe budget for this film was $13 million. One custom suit alone for the racers cost $60,000. Total budget was $170 million.
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Old Dogs
Year: 2009
Genre: Comedy/Family
Runtime: 88mins
Rating: PG
IMDB Score: 5.1/10 (5,900 + Votes)
Director: Walt Becker
Writers: David Diamon & David Weissman
Plot/Synopsis: Two friends and business partners find their lives turned upside down when strange circumstances lead to them being placed in the care of 7-year-old twins
Forethought(s): Don’t know much about this movie but it looks like it could be funny. I hope it cleanses my pallet.
Audio: Pass Minus. The levels were even but everything sounded a big hollow. The soundtrack had a bunch of pop and light rock songs dulled down to more of a kid friendly version.
Acting: Pass Minus. The movie has a nice line up from the leads down to the small/cameo roles. Just look at this list: John Travolta, Robin Williams,Kelly Preston,Lori Louglin,Seth Green,Bernie Mac(This was his last movie before his death),Matt Dillon, Justin Long and bout a handful of others. So with that list you would think Pass or Pass Plus, I know I did, however, there was a lot of over acting and underacting going on. At points it was just painful to watch luckily the under and over was only done by the leads (Travolta and Williams) with in the first 20mins or so.
Visual: Pass. Pretty run of the mill Disney live action movie. A few sight gags but beyond that normal.
Writing: Pass Minus/Pass. I can’t really decide if the writing passes or not. It starts off boring and unfunny then it gets cute and funny then you serous and unfunny then it sorta keeps the light hearted humor rolling till the end. Here is what I think maybe the funniest dialog of the movie:
Zach: I think “scat” means poop.
Dan: Really son?
Zach: Yeah.
Charlie: You wiped poop of my face?
Dan: Yeah. Scat happens man.
Afterthought(s): I was really hoping to be laughing my ass off at this movie but I didn’t. I did get some laughs and it was a nice change of pace of movie for me. The movie is worth a cheap rent. I bet ankle bitters really like this movie. The movie gets a Pass Minus.
Smallville:Absolute Justice
Year:2010
Genre: Drama/Sci-Fi/
Runtime: 90mins
Rating: PG
IMDB Score: Waiting for 5 Votes
Director: Tom Welling and Glen Winter
Writers: Geoff Johns
Plot: A man named Sylvester asks Chloe and her team of superheroes for help but ends up getting attacked and killed. Clark is led to former headquarters of the Justice Society of America where he meets up with Dr. Fate, Hawkman, and Star Girl. Later on, Clark, John Jones, Green Arrow, and Chloe team up to help the JSA stop the killer before he murders someone else in the group. Meanwhile, Lois receives a package from a mysterious agency called Checkmate.
Audio: Pass Plus. So seldom does the music move in movies and this is one of those movies. Louis Febre did the score for this movie and we aren’t talking rock or metal we are talking full on Batman movie orchestra type of music. You well be feeling pumped from the first 45sec or so of the movie when the music starts. When you aren’t pumped you are on the edge of you seat due to the way the music builds up the tension of the scenes. I honestly don’t know how TV awards are given out but it would be a crime if this dude does not get one for his work on this ep of the show. I did have some issues with the voice acting of one winged hero,but that will be addressed in the acting part of the review.
Dr.Fate and Stargirl
Visual: Pass Plus. We are talking better visuals here than a lot of the damn big time movies I watch. The following characters who in the show who are not regulars were dressed in their super attire: Dr.Fate; Hawkman; Stargirl; Sandman; and finally John Jones aka Martian Manhunter. Now it’s common that the outfits for superhero movies and shows just don’t match up well to the books they are torn from well let me just say that these were so damn good that even the nerdiest of nerds can not say anything bad about them. Ok well maybe Icicle but really that wasn’t the Icicle that everyone knows of.
Next up are the sets and props. We are talking detail here folks. They set up the Brownstone (HQ for the JSA) as a museum of all things JSA. That means they have Wildcats gloves; The first Green Lanterns ring and power battery; Hawkgirls helmet; The huge ass JSA round table ( I want that thing so damn bad ) to the 12 foot panting of the first members of the JSA ( something else I want really bad )
The effects were neat. When Dr.Fate put his helmet one and his clothes turned into his outfit was sweet not to mention Fates symbol in the background when he used his powers. Then we have Icicle who is well for all you who saw the X-Men movie is Iceman, so I’m guessing I needn’t explain anything there. Finally just all the stuff that goes on in a fight. The wires, the choreography and the editing.
Hawkman
Writing: Pass. I really loved the writing here but it was normal fare for Geoff Johns so I can’t give it a Pass Plus plus some of the lines were super corny but that is also another reason why I loved the writing. Not all the characters are the best of talkers. Seeing as how Johns has written JSA comic books it’s no shocker that he can pen the characters like a pro. The plot itself seems like it should have been more of a time travel thing.
What really stands out for me in the writing is all things that they worked in even just in passing. Not to ruin a lot of things I will keep this part short. They mention Checkmate along with Suicide Squad. Next an upcoming apocalypse or is it Apokolips? Finally there are mentions of things to come and one them is the triumph that CK will have over a “dead” Lex. OK come on you Smallville fans if you really though that Lex was really dead I want you to get three water pistols and fill them with the following: one of them with pure lemon juice, another one with ghost pepper extract , and the last one with sweat of a oil rigger. Now I want you to put those thing water guns into a box and shake it for about 5sec then pick on them the fire the thing into your mouth.
Oh almost forgot. After watching this ep it makes me wonder if the InJustice Gang that Tess has been recruiting is really that or some other more deadly group.
Here are some of my fav lines from the ep:
1)Its not your fate to die today Martian. Dr.Fate to John Jones
2)Any and all lines between GA and Hawk Man. Most is if when Green Arrow said to Hawkman “Bring it Big Bird.”
3)When Manhunter says “We don’t have dessert on Mar but I’m fond of cookies”
4)When Manhunter says “I’m Mars’ sole survivor for a reason”
Acting: Pass. I’m impressed with Tom Welling and dialing down the whoa is Clark crap. Other than that I’m not going to talk about the regular cast members instead I’m going to focus on the guest of the show. Let’s start with Who played Hawkman. He did a good job but when he was talking as Hawkman he reminded me to much of Bales Batman. If The dude would have talked it bit higher and with more of a raspy tone he would have been great. He really played the anger up and it worked well. Then we have the dude who played Dr.Fate. He did a heck of a job when playing crazy Kent and an even better job when the helmet went on. It’s really hard to convey any type of felling or emotion with your face covered but he did on hell of a job with moving his head at the right times and in the right manners. Next I would like to talk about Stargirl. She has as a very nice body and I would love to see more of it. Had to get something like that in. So Stargirl in the comics is 15 or 16 but the actress who plays her is 26 in real life and looks more like 32 at times. She just did not fit well as far as age goes but she blows that character out of the water. She nailed the personality and attitude like she was that character. The way she delivered her lines was like the way water flows thru a brook. I have seen her in a few other things and have not been impressed but if she can keep this up she’s going to be the next IT girl. The finally two I will keep short. One is the dude who played Icicle. He was so far over the top even I had issues with it. Everything that came out of his mouth was said with such explosion that it really took away from why he was doing what he was doing. Finally Agent Waller who is played by get this…. Foxy Brown herself Pam Grier. How weird is that? When I saw who she was playing I was thinking they could have gotten someone who fit the role better, well I was right but I saw that because Waller is shorter and seems like she would have more of a defining voice. With that said Ms.Grier did a hell of a job actually playing the role.
Ed/Dir: Pass. I watched the ep twice so I could do a great review but I’m still at a loss of word when it comes to this part. It was so much better than just an every week ep of the show but not as good as a movie. They hit the close ups at the right times and showed the over all set when it was optimal.
Final Feelings: This movie more than passes. If you think I wrote fluff review of it since I’m such a fan of the show let me inform you that I am a huge comic book geek and as such I would tare this thing apart if it was warranted. Just talk to me about Bat fucking Nipples if you want some proof or maybe you want to hear my feelings on Superman Returns. Oh and by the way this movie crushed Superman Returns as far as I’m concerned. Still not convinced well then you can stair into my bloody abyss.
G-Force-
Genre: Action/Adventure/Family/Fantasy
Runtime: 88min
Rating: PG
Entertainment Score: 7/10.
Tech Score: 7.9/10.
IMDB Score: 4.8/10. (6,170+ votes)
Summary from IMDB: A specially trained squad of guinea pigs is dispatched to stop a diabolical billionaire from taking over the world.
From me: A movie the whole family can watch together.
Audio: 8.5/10. The sound is spotless, you can hear everything and make everything out. What bugged me was listening to Penélope Cruz, she should looked at not listened to (least in English) and the fact that they had two Black-Eyed Peas sounds that they played parts of four or five times. That was just not cool.
Visuals: 10/10. A mix of alive action and cg work done by Disney. Did you really think it was going to get anything else than a 10? Oh and you can watch it in 3-D.
Big guy farts a lot.
Writing: 6/10. Creative and refreshing. It’s a PG rated movie so it has some crude humor in it but not a whole lot. There are some double meaning jokes tossed in there for the adults.Here are some lines that are just funny.
Blaster: I’m pretty sure this is animal cruelty. *WOOOHOO!*
[jumps in RC car over toys]
Blaster: But I love it.
———-
Ben: You all right?
Mooch: [buzzed sound] Yeah!
Ben: Good! I don’t like when my fly is down.
*Mooch is a fly in the movie
———-
Darwin: Hurley, get your butt outta my face.
Hurley: Get your face outta my butt!
Acting: 5/10. Zach Galifianakis shows that he has range here. I would not have picked Penélope Cruz for this movie, 1) she’s not funny 2) when she speaks in English it hurts my ears and 3) She is made to be seen not to be cast as the voice of something. The rest of the acting was decent, it had a fair amount of known names like: Bill Nighy;Sam Rockwell;Will Arnett;Jon Favreau;Nicolas Cage;Steve Buscemi;Tracy Morgan and a few others.
Dir/Ed: 10/10. Damn near flawless work with real folks and cg work. All the grips I have are about this area are little and don’t really need mentioning.
Bottom Line: This is definitely rent.
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra-
Genre: Comedy/Horror/Sci-Fi
Runtime: 90mins
Rating: PG
Entertainment Score: 8/10.
Tech Score: 10/10
IMDB Score: 6.8/10 (2,100+ votes)
Summary from IMDB: A dedicated scientist, aided by his clueless wife, rolls up his shirt sleeves and tries to save the world from a radioactive monster, curious space aliens, an evil scientist and a crabby skeleton in this send-up of the best of the B movies of the 1950′s.
From me: This is an over the top modern movie that replicates the drive in movies of the 40′s and 50′s. I warn you now the movie is in all black and white. I will also say that if you do not enjoy those types of movies you will not like this one.
Audio: 10/10. OK this is one area that they do not try and match at all. The audio is perfect, the levels equal, and sound effects good.
Visuals: 10/10. They mimic the visuals of old B movies like they themselves made some of the 50′s flicks. You have a skeleton who is moved by strings that can be seen almost at all times. The skeletons joints are bolted with metal plates. The space ship looks like a paper towel holder with foil on it. Hell they even put in that old reel feel with the flickering of some scenes and tons of continuity errors just like the old old movies.
This is what happens when you inbreed
Writing: 10/10. You have to listen to the movie to understand why I gave it a 10. As far as the plot goes its corny and the lines are cornier and you know whats the point! They did such a good job on the writing. Check out some of the lines.
Skeleton: I sleep now.
———-
Skeleton: I HAVE RISEN!
———-
Ranger Brad: Oh, say… You don’t believe those old legends about the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, do you?
Dr. Roger Fleming: Ranger Brad, I’m a scientist, I don’t believe in anything.
———
Dr. Paul Armstrong: Dinner was delicious, honey. Keep cooking like that and I won’t even be able to move, let alone do science.
Betty Armstrong: That’d suit me fine, Mr. Meteor.
Dr. Paul Armstrong: Ouch, that hurt. Tomorrow let’s say you and I go searching for our rocky glowing radioactive friend from space… together.
Betty Armstrong: Paul Armstrong, I do believe there’s hope for you yet. Shake on it?
Dr. Paul Armstrong: Why shake when we can touch other things… like lips?
———
Lattis: Kro-Bar, Kro-Bar!
Kro-Bar: What is it, my woman? You need not yell because of my proximity.
Lattis: I yell not from the volume required by great distance but from happy excitement.
You see now why I gave it a 10? Most of you I bet do not. To you all who don’t go watch some old ass B movies and you will getting it.
Acting: 10/10. I’m starting to feel dirty about giving 10s to this damn movie. I wouldn’t call the actors in this movie big names but they have deff done a good amount of work both on screen and on stage. It’s hard to not act well when you know how to act. They did not act well and in turn they acted real well.
Yes that is Lindsay Lohan in the middle.
Dir/Ed: 10/10. Well fuck me 10s all around. This movie was shot and edited like it was a movie from the 50s and since that’s what this movie was going for it gets a 10.
Bottom line: Do I even have to say what do to? Shit it got all 10s.
No beam corssing here.
